My Journey to Finding My Transgender Me

Mandy Jovial Swali, a 27-year-old transgender refugee from Uganda now living in South Africa, shares her harrowing but uplifting journey to becoming her authentic self.

Growing up in a small district in northwestern Uganda, I never imagined that my life would take the path it has. As a child, I felt more comfortable in women’s clothes, often wearing my sister’s garments and spending most of my time in the company of women.

However, my uncle’s response to my identity was anything but supportive. His abuse and cruelty forced me to suppress my true self. He beat me for wearing women’s clothes, forced me into men’s attire, and insisted I befriend boys instead. But I never felt safe or happy around them.

At that stage, I was just a child who had no understanding of what it meant to be gay or transgender—just that I was different. Despite the challenges, I never gave up on being true to myself.

Coming Out and Facing Backlash

I came out as a gay man when I was 17. That was the beginning of a tumultuous struggle to understand and express my identity. Coming out in my home district felt like a war because it was very small and very homophobic. When I confided in my best friend at school, he reported me to my family. My uncle almost killed me for expressing myself.

I managed to flee to a neighbouring district, where I found support and comfort in my first relationship with a bisexual man. However, our relationship was complicated, and we eventually broke up. In 2017, I met Peter, a gay man who became my second boyfriend.

Through this relationship, I started embracing my identity as a transgender woman and I connected with other LGBTQI individuals in secret. Peter and I shared our experiences and supported each other, but we also faced significant challenges when I told him that I needed to start hormone therapy because I didn’t like what I saw between my legs.

Seeking Gender-Affirming Care in Uganda

Peter agreed to help. However, in Uganda, hormone replacement therapy is illegal due to laws that persecute LGBTQI people.

We searched private pharmacies in Kampala, hoping to find gender-affirming care but were met with hostility and faced the constant fear of arrest. At one pharmacy, we were threatened to report us to the police. The hostility left me disheartened, but I never gave up on finding a way to be true to myself.

In 2021, my boyfriend and I were arrested in Kampala for being members of the LGBTQI community. We were caught by his landlady and jailed for 15 days. After bribing the police, I fled to Zambia to seek safety and protection.

However, transphobia in Zambia again prevented me from accessing hormone therapy. In Zambia, a self-proclaimed Christian nation, finding LGBTQI-friendly healthcare was nearly impossible.

A New Start in South Africa

After two difficult years in Zambia, I moved to South Africa in September 2023. I saw it as a haven for LGBTQI people. With support from The Fruit Basket, an organisation advocating for LGBTQI migrants, refugees and asylum seekers, I found a welcoming community and began the process of seeking asylum.

I was introduced to the WITS Trans clinic in November 2023. I was excited to start my hormone therapy, but the process was not without its challenges. I was assessed and put on therapy with a psychologist for a month before I could start transitioning. After the therapy, I was told I could be put on a waiting list or I could buy my hormones.

However, as an asylum seeker, I had no money, and working in the country without documentation was difficult. It was disheartening to be so close yet still face obstacles in a journey I had waited years to begin.

Finding Purpose Through Advocacy

Despite the challenges and setbacks, I started volunteering at The Fruit Basket, first as a house manager. I then moved into an admin assistant role, where I used my experiences to elevate the organisation’s advocacy efforts. My goal, through my advocacy, is to create a world where no one has to leave their home or face persecution for who they are.

In January 2024, I finally took my first oestrogen tablet. That moment marked the beginning of my physical transition—a milestone of joy, relief, and immense gratitude to the community that supported me.

Living Authentically, Fighting for Change

As a transgender woman and a refugee in South Africa, I face ongoing challenges. Accessing hormone replacement therapy can be difficult, and public hospitals and the Department of Home Affairs are not always inclusive or welcoming for transgender people. Still, I remain committed to working to build a more inclusive world for all transgender individuals.

My next challenge is to secure my documentation in South Africa. I have seen how challenging it is, but I will keep fighting the same way I fought to start my hormone therapy. South Africa is my home now, and I can’t go back to Uganda due to the persecution, trauma, and discrimination I faced there. It is no longer an option for me.

My journey as a trans woman has been marked by many challenges and hurdles to overcome. However, it has also been a journey of self-discovery and growth. I am committed to using my lived experiences to advocate for the rights of the trans community.

I am also determined to ensure that no one has to flee their home or endure abuse simply for being who they are. My story is far from over—but now, I tell it with pride.

 

Article by Mandy Jovial Swali, a transgender activist from Uganda, now living in South Africa, who works at The Fruit Basket. 

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This article was made possible with the support of the Other Foundation. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent those of the Other Foundation. www.theotherfoundation.org.

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