Sexually Spiritual: A Playful Guide to Getting it On (Mindfully!) for Gay Guys

Growing up, my sexuality came bundled with a hefty side of shame. I carried this LGBT-PTSD around like an invisible backpack—heavy, persistent, and always there.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that my desires were a terrible dark secret, one that would get me dropped and disowned faster than a cheap flip flop that’s just stepped in doggie-doo if anyone ever discovered the truth about me. It was a load of kak.

Luckily, my reading journey through sexuality and mental health has revealed something revolutionary: our sexuality can (and should!) be something beautiful and celebrated.

Instead of shame, we can view it through a spiritual lens—exactly as ancient wisdom traditions have always advocated. Sex isn’t just physical pleasure; it’s powerful, sacred energy. And guess what? This applies just as much to men who have sex with men.

So I embarked on an adventure to explore this intersection of spirituality and gay sexuality. Below is my treasure map of what I discovered (from various sources) along the way. My usual disclaimer applies. I am not a health professional and you should take everything here with a pinch of glitter dust. This is just some advice that I found useful and have tried to distil like a sort of gay pineapple beer.

Always chat to someone with the appropriate medical or mental health qualifications to get the ‘makoya’ goods on what you should or shouldn’t do to stay healthy and fabulous.

The Magical Me-Time Mastery

Self-love can be a “religious experience” if you want it to be. It doesn’t always have to be something you do to kill time, warm up or simply get your rocks off. Alone time with your hand can be your personal pleasure laboratory and special self-bonding me-me time. Here’s how to turn your solo sessions from “meh” to “WHOA”:

• Set the mood with an intention (not just “I’m bored and horny!”)
• Stay in your body instead of mentally casting the next Magic Mike
• Breathe like you’re in a sexy yoga class—move that energy EVERYWHERE
• Play detective: “Hmm, when I do THIS, I feel THAT… fascinating!” What is your body trying to tell you? This can be a conversation instead of a lecture.

Hookups with Heart

Mating doesn’t have to be meaningless. You can have a “no-strings” encounter that can still be mindful and intimate, even if you never want to see each other again. Casual doesn’t have to mean careless. Sprinkle some consciousness into your Grindr game:

• Connect and communicate – Use your words (before, during, AND after!)
• See the person – Lock eyes like you’re having a staring contest (but sexier)
• Try to be polite – Say “thanks for the good time” (and actually mean it)
• Be conscious – Check yourself: Are you having fun or just running from feelings? How do you feel after?

Relationship Realness: The Ultimate Spiritual Workout

If you are in a relationship you have an amazing opportunity to be seen and really grow as a person through the eyes of someone you care about. We spend so much of our day with our guards up or wearing masks and camouflaging that resting bitch face. A partner gives you a chance to be real with someone who has a pulse outside of your skin.

Turns out that boyfriend of yours might be your ticket to enlightenment:

• Intimacy: Schedule sexy spiritual check-ins (should be way more fun than it sounds).
• Tantric anyone?: Try synchronizing your breathing—it’s like tandem skydiving but in bed.
• Personalise: Create your own relationship rituals (clothing optional!)
• Get real: Use bedroom time as emotional gym time—flex those vulnerability muscles.

Rules? We Don’t Know Her!

Forget what your conservative auntie told you—good sex isn’t about following someone else’s rulebook. Instead, craft your own sexy spiritual code based on:

• Feedback loops: Enthusiastic “HELL YES” consent (always a turn-on).
• Honesty: Keeping it real (with yourself and that cutie across the room)
• Self-care: Considering the aftermath (for your heart AND his)
• Mind and body: Blending body tingles with soul tingles for maximum satisfaction

The Grand Finale

By bringing some spiritual flavour to your sex life, you might be able to dodge both the shame spiral AND the empty-hookup blues. That’s having your beefcake and eating it! This middle path is where the magic happens—celebrating your body’s amazing capacity for pleasure while feeding your soul’s hunger for something deeper. Yes, sometimes shallow, superficial, stimulating and instant gratification is just the scratch you were itching for, but if you, like me, start to feel like you’re missing something, these ideas might be worth entertaining.

Your journey to sexually-spiritual awesomeness is totally unique, but it all comes down to one spicy question: How can getting naked (literally and figuratively) actually make you more present, compassionate, and genuinely connected? Answer that question for yourself, and you’re probably not just having better sex—you’re helping heal the whole community, one mindful orgasm at a time!