Thelma’s Triumph – A Trans Woman’s Path to Recovery

Mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse, are a concerning reality for many transgender people in Zimbabwe. They often struggle to find acceptance and are commonly discriminated against by a conservative and ill-informed society.

This plight can lead to intense emotional pain, feelings of hopelessness, and a sense of isolation. Some trans individuals turn to substance abuse, which can provide a temporary escape or numbing effect. However, substance abuse ultimately worsens mental health issues and leads to other problems, including health complications, relationship issues, and financial difficulties.

Such is Thelma’s story. As a trans woman living in Zimbabwe’s capital city, Harare, she has faced discrimination, harassment, violence, and the subsequent impact of addiction. Despite the odds stacked against her, she has found a sense of purpose and belonging. Her journey is a testament to the power of inclusive sport to transform lives.

A Lonely Childhood

As the youngest of seven siblings, Thelma’s childhood was spent in a quiet house, as most of her siblings had left home for college or marriage. Thelma often felt like she was growing up alone.

“I grew up with my mum mostly because my father was working in another town, about 120 kilometres from where we lived. I would see my father every two weeks when he was off work. So, I can safely say I grew up with my mother more than my father and other siblings,” she explains.

Her parents, though loving, struggled to connect with her in the same way they had with her siblings. “My parents don’t really understand what all this LGBTIQ+ stuff means. So, it was hard because, in their minds, I’m supposed to marry a woman and have children.

“My mum knew that I loved playing with girls and doing girly stuff. Sometimes I would wear her high heels and model in front of her in them. She never reprimanded me or insulted me; she let me be,” says Thelma.

Although her mother was accepting in many ways, Thelma still felt like she was letting her and her father down and couldn’t freely express herself like her other siblings could.

“I started spending hours in my room, lost in my thoughts and feelings. I struggled to understand why I felt so different from my siblings, why I couldn’t seem to fit into the traditional mould of what was expected of me. I felt like an outsider, even within my own family,” she reveals.

Thelma’s parents didn’t know how to deal with her gender identity. They came from a generation where such things were not discussed or understood. They thought it was just a phase. “My mother would defend me from people who would mock me, saying I would outgrow it when I grew up.” However, Thelma knew this was who she was.

Thelma faced harsh realities outside the safety of her home. At school, she was bullied and harassed by her peers who didn’t understand her gender identity. Teachers and classmates would use the wrong pronouns or mock her appearance. Thelma felt like she was living in constant fear, never knowing when the next attack would come.

A Toxic Friendship

The loneliness and isolation Thelma felt led her to seek comfort elsewhere. She started hanging out with friends who were also in the same predicament, feeling unwanted or not belonging. Although these friends were not necessarily part of the transgender community, they accepted Thelma because she could afford to buy them cigarettes and alcohol.

“One day I was walking to the shops, and I saw a guy and two girls seated at a bridge, and they started mocking me and calling me names. However, one of the girls reprimanded her friends, saying, ‘Come on guys, don’t be like that, this guy can even be one of our friends.’

“They looked hungry and like they hadn’t bathed in days. I asked them why they would insult and shout at strangers. They later apologised and asked for a dollar to buy food as they said they were hungry.”

Thelma’s desire for connection and acceptance led her into this new group of friends. Mufaro, the girl who defended Thelma and showed her empathy, turned out to be a complex character, as she was also struggling with her own difficulties.

At first, it was just an occasional joint or drink with her new friends, a way to unwind and forget her troubles. But as she became more entrenched in their world, she began to use drugs more frequently, seeking to numb the emotional pain and trauma that lingered beneath the surface.

“My mum would give me $3 every day so that I could buy bread and meat for the day as she worked at a nearby factory and would leave home at 5 am and be back at 5 pm. So, I always had money with me; that’s why I was able to buy the drugs,” Thelma says.

Mufaro introduced Thelma to harder drugs like cocaine and heroin. While she was hesitant at first, Mufaro assured her that these would help her forget her troubles and feel more empowered.

At first, the drugs seemed to work, making her feel confident and carefree, as if she could finally fit in with the world around her. “I felt like I was at the top of my world, and nothing else mattered. I wanted to feel like that forever.”

However, she soon found herself needing more and more to achieve the same high, and her addiction began to spiral out of control. “I started to need more packets of the stuff I was taking. And also, I had to share with Mufaro and her friends. I needed more money to buy more drugs to achieve the same rush I felt in the beginning.”

Lost in Addiction

Thelma started lying to her family and stealing from them to fund her habit. Despite the chaos that drug use brought into her life, Thelma couldn’t seem to stop. She was trapped in a vicious cycle of addiction and didn’t know how to escape.

Her mental health suffered, her relationships crumbled, and her sense of self-worth disappeared. She had lost herself in the drugs and didn’t know how to find her way back.

“I started to steal and manipulate my mum and dad to fund my habit, and this caused relationship problems with my family. The drug use also led to malnutrition as I couldn’t eat well. I experienced weight loss and a weakened immune system and would easily fall sick.

“My parents stopped supporting me financially, and I started accumulating debt due to the drug use, leading to financial hardship. I was not yet working as I had just finished college and was waiting for employment,” recounts Thelma.

Her addiction consumed her sense of self, causing her to lose touch with her passions, interests, and goals, leading to total depression, leaving her feeling broken and without hope.

Rock Bottom to Redemption

Thelma hit rock bottom after realising that she had lost everything that truly mattered to her in life, including family, friends, and self-respect. “I knew I had to make a change at that time. One and a half years into drugs, I became a person I didn’t like at all. I wanted to change.”

She was introduced to an organisation called Friendship Bench by a fellow transgender woman who told her about how it works with key populations and other minority communities in providing free counselling services without discrimination. “I decided to give them a try and see if they could assist me,” says Thelma.

With the help of a counsellor, Thelma began attending therapy sessions and support groups. She slowly started to open up about her struggles and began to confront the underlying issues that led to her addiction.

“As I progressed in my recovery journey, I started looking for healthy channels to release my energy and emotions, as I was taught by the counsellor. That’s when I discovered netball.” Although she loved the sport and was a big fan of the school team, she was never allowed to play netball at school as it was reserved for girls.

“I was so excited when I heard that there was a team of netball with both female and male players. I decided to visit the team during one of their training sessions and expressed my desire to learn the sport. The coach, Julia, was very welcoming and loved my passion. Even though I was an amateur, she was willing to teach me from scratch.”

At first, it was tough as Thelma’s body wasn’t used to the physical demands, but she persisted, and soon she found herself looking forward to practice sessions and games.

Strong, Capable, and Talented

“Eventually, I distanced myself from my old drug friends and surrounded myself with positive ones. I didn’t stop with therapy sessions and support groups; I continued and became an active member.”

Netball became Thelma’s happy place as it gave her a sense of purpose, structure, and belonging. She formed strong bonds with her teammates, who supported and encouraged her both on and off the court.

She also met other LGBTIQ+ community members among the players and supporters. She became part of the team and started competing against other clubs.

As her skills improved, so did her confidence. She started to see herself in a new light—as a strong, capable, and talented individual whom other trans netball players could look up to.

Netball helped her develop a sense of self-worth that wasn’t tied to drugs or alcohol and brought her joy and a supportive community that helped her stay on the path to recovery.

“I know the pain and struggle that comes with being trans in a world that doesn’t always understand us. I know what it’s like to feel alone, like no one gets you,” she says.

“However, it’s important not to be afraid to reach out for help. It’s important to talk to someone you trust, be it a friend, a family member, or a therapist. Don’t suffer in silence. Your mental health matters, and there are people who care about you and want to support you.”

What is also deeply important as a transgender person, asserts Thelma, is to “love yourself and know that your identity is valid and your existence is important.”

 

Article by Tanaka M, a trans journalist and podcaster from Zimbabwe.

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This article was made possible with the support of the Other Foundation. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent those of the Other Foundation. www.theotherfoundation.org.

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